Synopsis of The Zeppo

Written by Bone

Our story starts off in a cave where we see Buffy, Giles, Faith and Willow fighting demons. Willow is chanting something with a candle. Smoke fills the cave. Buffy and Giles attack the demon and Giles is once again thrown to the ground roughly. They pin the demon and Faith stabs it with a sword. Willow did a clouding spell so that they could sneak up on the demons. Three demons are dead. Giles said he thought this area was a vampire nest. He feels bad that he didn't have they properly prepared to fight these demons. Everyone is accounted for except Xander. He gets up from under a pile of rubble and says ok.

They all are concerned that he jumps right into the fry too quickly. Xander remarks that he distracted the head demon by allowing it to pummel him. Faith says it was real manly how he shrieked. Xander calls it a bellow. Giles now wants to find out what these demons are but doesn't have all of his resources since he was fired.

As Giles tells Xander he should stay out of the fighting, Xander says "Gee, Mr. White, if Lois and Clark get all the great stories I'll never be a good reporter." Giles doesn't get the Superman reference.

Playing football toss at school the next day Xander lets a pass slip through his hands that hits the school Bully Jack O'Toole 's lunch. He threatens to cut open Xander's face and as he asks Xander if he is retarded. He says that when he gets his buddies back together, they will kick Xander's ass. Cordy sees what has just happened to Xander and remarks that how a psycho likes Jack is cooler than Xander. She says that all of his friends have super powers and that he is useless. He is the unknown, the Zeppo. She walks off saying to herself how much fun it was to put him down.

Oz and Xander are later discussing what does it take to be cool. Xander decides that he needs a cool angle.

Giles finds out that the she-demons they are fighting are called the Sisterhood of Zha[sp.?]. They exist to cause the world's destruction. All signs point to the fact that they want to reopen the Hellmouth. Oz walks in and locks himself in the cage because he is in wolf mode.

Buffy and Willow are later talking about the demon that almost escaped the first time the Hellmouth was almost opened. They know this would be the first of many demons that would enter this world if it happens. Willow says other than academic failure or nudity, that demon was her worst nightmare. She remarked that she dreamt that the demon was chasing her while she was late for a test and naked. Buffy remarked that this time she is very scared that the Hellmouth will fully open and that she needs her Willow.

At this time Xander drives up in a 57 Chevy Belair. He calls it his "thing". Buffy asks, "Is this a penis metaphor?" He explains that he is now car guy because his uncle Rory's DUI have piled up and is letting him rent the car. The girls aren't impressed because of the big brewing evil. He offers to help. They send him for doughnuts.

At the doughnut shop, Cordy sees Xander again and starts insulting him. She calls him expendable. He remarks, "you think you know everything." She says back, "I thought I knew you". She says a car will not make him cool and at that moment a lovely young lady walks up and asks about the car. Xander is happy. She asks for a ride and he says that after he makes a stop he could. He drops off the doughnuts and head to the Bronze.

At the Bronze we see that this girl is a car nut. It is all she talks about Xander is bored. He sees Angel and calls him over. Angel is looking for Buffy. He knows of the Sisterhood's plan and Xander tells him Buffy is at the library. Xander wants to help but Angel tells him to stay put and out of harm's way.

The car babe wants to go for another ride. Xander hits a parked car that Jack gets out of.

Meanwhile Buffy and company are researching the Sisterhood. The council won't answer Giles's calls so he is going to try to contact the Spirit Guides to try and get some answers to the how and when the sisterhood will open the Hellmouth. Buffy says she will check Willie the snitch. He noticed that all of the jelly doughnuts were gone and wanted to send Xander to get more. Buffy says leave him entirely out of the loop so that he doesn't get hurt.

Back at the Bronze Jack threatens Xander with a very large knife. Car babe still wants to go for a ride. Jack tells Xander the difference between them is that he has less fear. He puts the knife in Xander's hands and then starts to tussle with him. A cop comes up as Jack puts the knife away. The cop knows Jack and asks Xander if there was any trouble. He says they were just horsing around. The cop leaves and Jack thinks Xander is cool so he Xander and car babe go to get the rest of Jack's gang.

Xander car babe and Jack are in a cemetery. All of Jack's friends are dead and he is raising them. Car babe leaves after the first corpse rises. Xander says he'll call. He sees Giles in the cemetery. Giles is trying to contact the Spirit Guides. The Guides refuse to help saying it would bring chaos to do so. Xander doesn't see this but again offers to help and is spurned. Giles notes that the smell of death is in the air. Xander says its Bob (one of the gang).

Buffy is at Willie's. He is all beaten up and says that it was the Sisterhood. Buffy says the paramedics are coming for him. Willie tells her they are going to open the Hellmouth tonight. The sisterhood was looking for Angel and also Buffy to kill them and there would be no one to stop them. Willie says she and Angel should go spend a last night on earth together if the Hellmouth opens.

After all of Jack's gang is raised, they go out robbing, saying they wanted to make a cake, with Xander as wheelman. He sees Willow coming from a spell shop and asks what he could do while his new buddies are getting what they need. She tells him she loves him and again to stay out of harm's way.

At this point Xander decides to go and help the gang but his new buddies decide it is time for his initiation into the gang. The initiation is to kill him and bring him back. Xander says Jack isn't dead so why kill him. Jack shows Xander bullet wounds from a driveby shooting and says his uncle raised him and he raised his friends.

He escapes from the gang by running away from and then back to the car. He is driving madly to get away. He sees Faith fighting one of the sisterhood's demons. She is losing. Xander hits the demon with his car and yells at Faith to get in. They drive back to her hotel room where she says that her arm was dislocated. She asks Xander to hold her.. while she adjust her shoulder. She comments that all that fighting and no kill had her ready to pop. She asks if he is up for it. As she strokes his chest. Xander says he is definitely "up" for it. But that he had never been "up with people before." They kiss as she asks him to relax and take off his pants. She throws him on the bed and tops him and says she'll guide him through the curves of lovemaking. For a short period they lie next to each other. And then she kicks him out with clothes in hand. He looks bewildered.

Oz is now very excited in the cage. They must move him in case the Hellmouth opens. Willow tranquilizes him with two shots and feels sorry that she had to do this. They move him to another part of the school as Giles prepares a binding spell for the library.

As Xander gets into his car he notices that the cake making stuff his dead buddies had looked like bomb making material. He goes back to find out what they are up to. They have left the hardware store area so he goes to find Buffy for help.

Buffy is with Angel. She and Angel are talking about the fact that the Hellmouth may open and they may die. She says she can't stand to see him die again. They say that they love each other and Angel says that not even death can stop their love. She doesn't like how this sounds and starts to argue while at that time Xander walks in to asks for help. He sees they are at a delicate point and says he'll talk to her later.

As Giles and Willow are preparing the binding spell, the dead gang are planting a bomb in the school's boiler room.

Xander sees the dead gang while driving. He grabs one and is dragging him along the side of the car and demands to know where the bomb is. The dead guy tells him but is decapitated before he can tell Xander how to defuse it. He heads to the school with the other three dead guys running after him.

At the library the multi-headed demon is rising as Giles, Buffy, Faith, Willow and Angel prepare for battle. The dead guys run pass the library chasing Xander. The dead guys split up and one grabs an axe. Dead guy with axe corners Xander in cafeteria and try to chop him up. Xander disarms him and turns over a vending machine on him. Second dead guy sees Xander with axe and smashed first dead guy. As Xander is trying to get out a pun the second dead guy runs away with Xander in pursuit.

Buffy is thrown out of the library by the demon and yells for Faith to go for the heart of the creature.

Xander and the second dead guy run into I think three of the Sisterhood and both of them are now running for their lives( I know one of them is already dead). The sisterhood catches the second dead guy and disposes of him while Xander is hiding from them. He decides to go to the boiler room as the Hellmouth creature smashes through a wall near him.

Xander finds the bomb and while thinking of a way to defuse it Jack attacks him. Xander fights bravely as Jack is talking about carving him up. Xander then tells Jack if he can do all of those things to him in 49 seconds as the bomb clock is ticking down. Jack is distracted for a moment and Xander fights him off. The clock is ticking. Xander is between jack and the door and Jack doesn't have his knife. Xander is in full form now. He says to jack I know what you re thinking . Can I get out of here and up the stairs in time. I think not. So who has the most fear. Jack says he's not afraid of dying because he is already dead. Xander tells him there's a big difference between being blown to bits dead and being able to go drinking with his buddies dead. He asks if Xander is afraid to die as he edges towards the exit . Xander says he likes the quiet.

Back in the library Giles is spouting some kind of spell and hacking away at the demon as Faith Angel and Buffy are fighting the Sisterhood and the creature.

Meanwhile back in the boiler room Jack disarms the device with 2 seconds left. Xander tells him not to show up to school anymore. As he is about to leave he opens another door in the boiler room saying he won't let Xander tell him what to do. Out pops Oz -wolf for some dead man lunch.

At school the next day we see Giles, Buffy, Oz and Willow talking about the night before. The binding spell apparently worked. Buffy has her are in a Sling and Giles looks quite beat up. Willow comments that she will never forget that things' "real face". Buffy says to Giles she doesn't know how he did it and that it was the bravest thing she ever saw. Or the stupidest as Giles says. Willow comments that people don't know how close the world came to ending.

At this point Xander walks up and Willow says to him how crazy things got the night before. Xander says only "give me the quiet life." He asks Oz if he wants anything to eat as he was going to get a bite. Oz says he seems oddly full today.

Walking away Xander runs into Cordy. She says calls him Mr. Excitement and cracks about him going to get doughnuts or cruising for bimbos and giving them lessons in lack of cool. Xander smiles at her, says nothing and walks off as she keeps saying, " What? What?"

The end

I don't know if they writers were trying to be funny or serious in this one. Again I liked it . Faith did use and discard Xander. I think Cordy still likes Xander. Why else would she torment him so.

-Bone

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