Synopsis of Life Serial

Written by Brandee Mode

Buffy returns home from her meeting Angel carrying a bucket of chicken, only to find everyone just finishing dinner. They don't want Buffy to feel bad, so ask for some chicken anyway. They ask Buffy about her meeting with Angel. But she doesn't want to talk about it. Giles says they've been talking about her plans. She says she's thought about it and starts talking about how she can pay the bills. But he says he meant her plans for life. She says she had thought of returning to school, but it is too late to register. Willow and Tara suggest she audit courses with them until she can register next semester. She thinks it's a good idea and asks Giles what he thinks.

Jonathan, Andrew, and Warren (From now on I will call them The Trio) are installing a bunch of surveillance equipment in their van. Andrew is painting a Star Wars icon on the side of the van, but he agrees to paint over it when Warren says they should not draw attention to themselves. He says they'll attack her tomorrow.

Buffy is in class with Willow. Willow calls the teacher Mike, which seems strange to Buffy. Everyone is eager to answer the teacher's questions and they all understand everything. Buffy feels lost. After class, she realizes she needs time to get used to it again.

WILLOW: "You're not dumb. Just rusty."

BUFFY: "Maybe I should ease back in with some non-taxing classes; like Introduction To Pies. Or mabye Advanced Walking."

In the hall, someone bumps into her (secretly attaching something to her clothes). We quickly learn it was Warren. He has a mike and talks to the others who are in the van. They can see him through the security cameras in the school. He tells them to "initiate pulse sequence".

Tara tells Buffy she has 20 minutes before art class and gives Buffy her book to look through. There is a strange noise and time seems to jump forward. Buffy hasn't heard what Tara was saying. They both assume that she got engrossed in the book. Then time leaps forward again and Tara is going to class, calling to Buffy from the other end of the hall. The next thing Buffy knows, Tara is coming out of class wondering why Buffy missed class. Buffy looks at the clock and it moves rapidly. Tara disappears and when Buffy runs outside everyone seems to be rushing around at hyper speed. They keep knocking into her and to get out of the way, Buffy crawls under a table. She realizes something is on her clothes and finds the device on her jacket. The Trio can see this cause the device to self destruct, returning everything to normal. Andrew and Jonathan score Warren, giving him 220. It's Andrew's turn next.

Buffy is going to work with Xander at a construction site. He called in some favors and got her a temporary job. She says she much prefers this to the offer to work at the magic shop which Giles made.

BUFFY: "Retail? (makes a Eew, Ick noise) I'd rather be dead... again."

XANDER: "Giles have any thoughts about your fast-forward freak-out at school?"

BUFFY: "He implied that maybe it was stress-related. Like I was imagining it or something. I don't know. Maybe. I guess I could have been blacking out, but there was this thing on my sweater, but then it blew away or went poof. Maybe it was lint. Maybe it was evil lint."

Xander introduces her to Tony, who isn't impressed at having such a tiny woman on his crew. He called her Gidget. Xander tells them she's stronger than she looks. Xander leaves and the guys call her names like Britney and Princess. Tony assigns Buffy to carry some heavy beams. There is one guy that's trying to be nice though. He cautions her to be careful, so she doesn't hurt herself; the beams weigh *quite a few hundred pounds*. Of course, Buffy picks it up with no problem. They stare in disbelief at her strength. Buffy is babbling to one of the guys about having a career vs. a job, when he tells her to slow down. They are paid by the hour and she's ruining it for the rest of them.

The Trio are there, watching from the van. Andrew plays music on some sort of flute-sounding instrument. Buffy senses something strange. Tony comes to talk to her and she knocks him aside because there is a demon behind him. There are several demons and she fights them as they trash the place and toss aside several of the other workers. She is able to kill them, but their bodies melt into goo and disappear once killed. The Trio quarrel over the binoculars and accidently hit the horn which plays the theme from Star Wars. Buffy hears horn / music and notices the van. The Trio see her looking in their direction and they all duck. Warren and Jonathan glare at Andrew.

ANDREW: "Hey, all you said was lose the mural."

Xander comes down and wonders what happens. Tony, who was knocked out and never saw the demons, thinks Buffy went berserk. None of the others will back up her story. I think because they are embarrassed at having a girl protect them. Agreeing that she *was losing it* and said it must be *that time of the month*. At this, Buffy storms off. Xander goes after her.

Xander says he thinks what just happened at the consctruction site is connected to what happened at school. He thinks someone is messing with her. He says she should go see Giles and try to figure out who the demons were.

XANDER: "I think it's worth checking out. And I don't mean later."

BUFFY: "You're firing me, aren't you?

XANDER: "Big time."

Buffy is at the magic shop, now working in retail. The Trio is watching via a camera they hid in a skull, but it's boring. Andrew points out she was a student, a construction worker, and now a sales person. Warren says she's completely without focus. They wonder if they can get cable porn on their monitors. Now it's Jonathan's turn. He tells the other they have to hold hands.

ANDREW: "With each other?!"

WARREN: "Well, you know what homophobia REALLY means about you..." Warren picks up a bone and points at Andew with it.

JONATHAN: "Stop touching my magic bone!!"

Andew and Warren crack up laughing. A woman comes in the store. Giles gives Buffy some advice: to concentrate on service rather than making a sale, she is more apt to have a satisfied customer. Anya tells Buffy to sell something to the woman. A man asks her advice about which candle to buy.

THE MAN (asking Buffy): "Which candle makes a more romantic atmosphere?" Buffy smells candle and then reads the scent name. BUFFY: "Lemon Seduction"

Buffy picks up another candle and smells it, makes a face. She reads the scent name on this one. BUFFY: "Essence of Slug" She hands him the lemon candle.

The woman who came in wants a mummy hand and Buffy goes downstairs to get it. The hand attacks Buffy, choking her. She is able to throw it down and stabs it with the dagger of Lex. The woman refuses to buy it because it's *dead* and therefore has no power.

BUFFY: "Oh, it's just playing dead. Little scamp."

The scene starts over again. We hear the bell on the door when it opens and Giles again telling Buffy to concentrate on service. Buffy tells him they already did this. Jonathan explains he cast a spell forcing her to satisfy a customer but making the task difficult to perform. The same things happen - Anya tells her to help the lady, the man asks about the candle, the woman wants the mummy hand. This time Buffy tells her she can't get it for the woman, but the woman says someone told her over the phone they had one and insists Buffy get it for her.

The Trio wonders whether Buffy will solve the time loop faster than Data did on Star Trek: TNG or Mulder on the X-Files. The woman is looking in a bag, a look of confusion on her face. To which Buffy responds...

BUFFY: "Fingers sold separately."

Then suddenly the woman is coming in the store again. Buffy tells Anya she's going to get the mummy hand for the woman. Anya points out that she hasn't talked to the woman yet. Buffy says she doesn't want to explain it because Anya will just forget. Anya says something about retail being fast-paced and asks Buffy if the day has gone by too quickly. Giles comes over to give more advice, to which Buffy responds...

BUFFY: "Yes, and then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam."

This time the hand attacks the woman. Then the door opens, then Buffy just leaves out the front door, only to find herself re-enting the Magic Shop from the back door. She stares despondently at the hand. She rips the bell off the door. When the woman comes in the door yet again, Buffy walks past the guy, grabbing the slug scented candle and tossing it to him. As she does this, she says...

BUFFY: "You like slug? Go with slug. She's not gonna sleep with you anyway."

Buffy grabs Giles' glasses and stomps on them, just then we hear the bell, the woman comes in again and Buffy declares "It's you!" She attacks the woman, then we hear the bell again. Buffy just stands there crying / pouting. Finally, Buffy offers to special order the hand which satisfies the customer, therefore breaking the loop. The Trio can't agree about which of them won. Anya points out Buffy forgot to charge the woman for delivery and says they'll take it out of her pay. Buffy takes off her name tag and leaves.

Buffy is at Spike's crypt, drinking with him. Apparently she hates the taste because she makes a face after each drink but keeps drinking anyway. She says that someone is messing with her. Spike says she should try the demon scene, throw a few punches, ask a few questions. They go to a demon bar where Buffy gets a bottle and they go into the back room where a card game is in progress. Spike tosses out one of the players and sits in. He explains to Buffy that they talk while playing and they'll get more out of them that way. They ante up and Buffy discovers they are playing for kittens. When Spike wants to join the game, he asks...

SPIKE: "Who's gonna spot me a tiny tabby?" The demons just just sit there. "Come on, somebody's gotta stake me."

BUFFY: "I'll do it!" Spike gives her a look. "What. You thought I was just gonna let that lie there?"

The stooges are in their van looking for Buffy. They get into a debate about who was the best James Bond: Connery, Moore, or Dalton Spike has won the card game and is ready to leave. The others accuse him of cheating, but it's clear they cheated.

DEMON (with tons of baggy wrinkles): "Her skin's so tight, I don't know how you can stand to look at her."

He's ready to fight them, but Buffy isn't. She frees the kittens and walks out. Spike goes after her. She starts complaining about her life.

BUFFY: "Stupid Buffy, too dumb for college. Freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears, even before the hour that wouldn't end. The only person I can even stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten-poker."

SPIKE: "Oh, you saw the cheating, did you."

BUFFY: "Also, I think you're drunk."

Buffy stomps out. It's quite obvious that Buffy is the one that's drunk, not him. The Trio is still arguing about who was the best Bond. Buffy sees and recognizes the van. Jonathan sees her coming toward them. As she approaches, a demon appears. he has red skin, big horns and claw, and wings. The demon says he was the one testing Buffy and now he knows her weaknesses. The van drives off. Buffy fights him, poorly because she is drunk. The acts like he's really hurt though and starts saying something about going back to his demon dimension to die. (His voice sounds strange, makes me think of the word WUSS.) He throws something on the ground that makes smoke. We can faintly see the demon running away. But Buffy and Spike don't notice this and just think he disappeared. Buffy says she feels sick. The demon runs up to the van whines that Buffy hurt him all over. They tell him to get in the back, the demon says he won't fit. Andrew tells him to *do the thing* so the demon says "Let the spell be ended" and it into Jonathan. Warren points out they have all kinds of data on Buffy now and can really be a threat to her. Andrew points out they also found free cable porn.

Buffy is home, experiencing a hangover and talking to Giles. She says she has screwed up. He says she's too tough on herself. She says the phone company doesn't think so. He gives her a check. At first she refuses, but when he offers to take it back she admits she was just being polite. She says it's like having her mom back. When being her mother doesn't appeal to Giles, she asks if he wants to be her shiftless, absentee father. He asks if there is a rakish uncle. She goes to show it to Dawn. She tells him it makes her feel safe knowing he's always going to be there.

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